Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
