What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
