i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
