love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
