you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
