I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
