i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
