I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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