You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
