You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
