I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
