the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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