The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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