i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
