If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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