Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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