Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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