I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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