watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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