sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bring me that man meat
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
