we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
