had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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