No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Randomize
