$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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