Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
