Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
