Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
