I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
