She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
