turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
