So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
