A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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