Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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