I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's always time for handjobs
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
