he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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