using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
