my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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