honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
