I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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