Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
