I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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