no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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