i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
