She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
