everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
