Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
