forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
