wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
