i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
