I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
