I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
